I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
