I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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