After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
