All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
