I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
