She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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