A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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