I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
ttyl tear gas
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
