Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
