It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
