i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
