There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
