I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
