i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
