the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
