I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
