I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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