Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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