Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
