Your face is a jimmy john
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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