your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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