I met the friendliest cop last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
