i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
