coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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