I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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