you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
