He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
