Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
