how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
