I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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