well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
