Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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