Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
