I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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