He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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