I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
