just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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