Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
