dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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