Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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