SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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