I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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