It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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