North Korea, Best Korea!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
