Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
