i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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