Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
