No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
