well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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