Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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