swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
