the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I did not marry a roomba.
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