Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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