she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
