She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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