I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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