I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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