you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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