my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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