When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
