there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
