What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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