So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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