I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
