i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
