Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
