So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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