On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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