She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
