You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
