Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just gift wrapped bread.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize