my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
