so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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