its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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