too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
