I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
