i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
