I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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