he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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