I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
