I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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